Hello Friend,

The cloudy, rainy, and cold weather is starting to feel like it's just going to be a permanent part of the Ozarks from now on. I guess there are a lot of dementors around (Harry Potter reference if you are a fan). Today will be a chilly one for those of you out trick-or-treating with kids. Stay warm!

This week's blog has updated pictures of the new office and also links to a couple of podcasts I've been listening to. I think these podcasts will be helpful for the Lega-Leaders out there (Relationship Legacy Leaders).  

For more information about Lega-Leaders, please read my past blog posts: 5 Easy Ways to Start Being a Relationship Legacy Leader Right Now (1), What is a Relationship Legacy Leader (2), or The Deeper Meaning Behind the Name MoxiePsychology Legacy (3).

First, new office pictures! Everything is coming together nicely at the new Plaza Towers location (4th Floor). I am definitely loving my new space. I really hope that clients find it welcoming, comfortable, and cozy. Check it out:

Nice, right!? Not pictured is our conference room. We just have a little more work to do to get the conference room ready for groups and classes, but it's looking great so far.

​There are two excellent podcast episodes I want to share with you this week. Both are from a podcast created by the American Psychological Association. This podcast is called Speaking of PSYCHOLOGY (4). I have enjoyed listening to this podcast; lots of relevant and applicable information from subject matter experts.

The first episode is about suicide, and what we know and understand about it (5). The next episode is about anxiety in teenage girls (6). I took away so much from both of these episodes. See the players below to listen:

What did you think of these episodes? Anything especially meaningful, or really stick out to you? What did you take away as a lesson, or something you might implement in your own life? How can you as a Relationship Legacy Leader apply this to your family, work, city, and communities you are part of? Comment below!

​Have a fun, safe, and Happy Halloween!

​All the best,
​Holly
​
​PS-Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added. ​

References and Links
(1)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/5-easy-ways-to-start-being-a-relationship-legacy-leader-right-now
(2)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/what-is-a-relationship-legacy-leader
(3)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/the-deeper-meaning-behind-the-name-moxiepsychology-legacy
(4)​https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/american-psychological-association/speaking-of-psychology
(5)https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/american-psychological-association/speaking-of-psychology/e/62336547
​(6)​https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/american-psychological-association/speaking-of-psychology/e/60552678

​Found this blog helpful? Other posts you might enjoy:

• ​​ 17 Tips to Encourage Healthy Parent and Child Communication
• What Does Dr. John Gottman Have to Say About Trust?
• Great Podcast Resource For Relationship Legacy Leaders in the Workplace
• ​Forever Homework For Couples
• Where Does Mental Health Begin? What Does This Mean For You?

Hello,

​Hope you are having a great week! ​I have important move updates for you:

1. I will begin seeing clients at the new location (Plaza Towers, Suite #408) on Monday, October 28th. This is on the 4th floor. 

​2. The week of October 21st is my final week in Chesterfield Village (Dearborn Office Building, Suite #E202).

3. The phone may be down during parts of the day on Thursday, October 24th due to the installation/transfer of the phone line. I apologize for any inconvenience this causes. If you are trying to reach me and are having difficulty, please email me (holly@moxiepsychologylegacy.com). 

Here's the Full New Address:
MoxiePsychology Legacy
1736 E Sunshine St, Suite 408
Springfield, MO 65804

I know there have been a lot of move updates lately on the blog and not as much psychological content. So, for you Lega-Leaders (Relationship Legacy Leaders) out there who closely follow the blog, I listened to a fascinating podcast recently that I want to share with you (1). This one is a little "off the beaten path" you could say of strict psychological knowledge; it covers the intersection of the mind and body.

One of my beliefs as a therapist is that the mind and body are deeply connected. I believe that what we eat affects our mental health (and our relationship health too). For example, how is a child who didn't eat breakfast supposed to be able to concentrate, be in a good mood, socialize with others, and be ready to learn? How might a child's intellectual and social functioning be different if he or she doesn't eat breakfast every single day in comparison to a child who does? How might a child's mood and functioning be if he or she consumes healthy protein and healthy fat for breakfast in the morning in comparison to a child who only eats something highly sugary? You could even substitute "child" here for "adult!"

Besides... For me personally, I know I get cranky if I don't eat... Raise your hand if you can relate! My concentration and patience is much less when my blood sugar is low. I can definitely tell how my mood and functioning changes throughout the day when my blood sugar is level versus dropping (or very low). That is why I make it a habit to eat when I'm slightly to somewhat hungry instead of ravenous and hangry. This way I'm not having to bounce back mentally and physically from such an extreme low, and my mood isn't on a roller coaster ride. You will just need to experiment for yourself to see what strategy gives you mental peak performance and the most mood stability. 

​So, today I want to share with you a podcast that explores the current research (that is being done as we speak), on the topic of preventing Alzheimer's (2). If you are a Lega-Leader who thinks about the physical, mental, and relationship health of the people you lead, then you are going to love this episode of Gastropod:

Hope you enjoyed the podcast! I know I definitely came away with some helpful ideas about which foods protect and which foods hurt the brain (you know me and how I love concrete ideas on things we can do right now). With that in mind, I have been planning how I can reduce my sugar intake, increase my omega-3 fatty acids, increase my consumption of fish, and increase my greens.

My sweet tooth is off the charts sometimes, so some of the changes will be hard for me, but I'm going to see where I can here and there cut down on sugar. Today I bought a coffee creamer that has 1 gram of sugar per tablespoon, instead of 4 grams per tablespoon that is in the creamer I usually get (no wonder I liked it so much). Added sugar adds up fast, but I do believe that taking it out in little ways can really add up over the months and years. I drink coffee on most days, so I think that changing my creamer could really help over the long run. 

​The researchers in the podcast mentioned that if you have a genetic risk for Alzheimer's you may not be able to prevent it entirely, but if you can prevent it's onset for a few years (or more), that would make a pretty tremendous difference. I think so too. Additionally, setting a good example for the kids in your life and helping them form good health habits provides protective benefits beyond just yourself.  

​Thanks for joining me today! Have a great weekend!

All the best,
​Holly 
​
PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

References and Links
(1)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/5-easy-ways-to-start-being-a-relationship-legacy-leader-right-now
​(2)https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/gastropod/e/59353191

Found this blog helpful? Other posts you might enjoy:

• Great Resource Alert! Ever Wanted To Understand Your Brain's Happy Chemicals Better?
• Say it Second
• Forever Homework For Couples
• Great Podcast Resource For Relationship Legacy Leaders In The Workplace
• The Deeper Meaning Behind The Name MoxiePsychology Legacy

Photo by jesse orrico on Unsplash

Hello Lega-Leaders (Relationship Legacy Leaders)! I have a great resource to share with you today that I think you will love.

As I was working out at my house yesterday morning doing some weight training and yoga stretches, I was listening to the Happy Brain Podcast (1) on my Stitcher app and I realized I really need to pass on this excellent resource to the Lega-Leaders out there. I've been listening to this podcast for a while now and I have found it immensely insightful.

But first... Do you ever wonder why you emotionally feel so low sometimes and why happy emotions don't seem to last long enough? Are you curious about some of the neural superhighways in your own brain that lead you to unhealthy ways of relieving stress and cortisol (such as food, drugs, alcohol, video games, spending money, etc.)? Do you wonder how you can change your habits using research on the brain? Is understanding what causes mood changes intriguing to you? I think that Dr. Loretta Graziano Breuning's work with the Inner Mammal Institute provides some helpful insights to these questions and greatly deepens our understanding of our "happy chemicals" as she calls them (2). 

Dr. Loretta Graziano Breuning describes the brain and brain chemicals in easy to understand language. She also has videos to help you visualize what she is talking about. Not a brain research scientist? No problem. She strives to explain the brain in easy to understand ways that help you apply the knowledge to your every day life.

So... I nerd out and always get excited about real life psychological application because  this is the stuff that really helps people and changes lives. That is part of the reason why I'm so excited to share this resource with you!

Below are some helpful videos Dr. Graziano Breuning has done so you can start to get an idea of her work if you are not already familiar with it. To access her whole video series on her website, click here (3). 

Video explaining the different happy chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins (4):

Feel worried or stressed? That is cortisol. Learn more about it here (5):

Notice how your mood changes? A video on that topic (6):

How Lega-Leaders can use this resource (Holly's application thoughts and ideas here):

1. Apply this this work to yourself. This is a wonderful place to begin! When you understand your own brain, you can experience compassion for your personal mood changes and also a deeper sense of empathy for the mood changes of others. 

2. Use this resource as one guide to help yourself develop healthier habits. Dr. Graziano Breuning says it takes 45 days of consistent daily practice to put a new healthy habit in place since you are strengthening a weak (or maybe non-existent) trail of synapses in your brain. 

3. Teach your kids about different brain chemicals, and give them ideas for healthy ways of coping. If your kids are old enough, you might even show them the above videos! Explain that it's normal that we all have fluctuations in our brain chemicals and that life can feel stressful and quite painful sometimes. It's a normal part of everyone's life (there is no need to feel bad, inadequate, or lacking). It's all about developing lifelong healthy habits and healthy relationships that is important here (and what is in our control).

4. Realize that as a leader of kids in whatever environment that might be (as a parent, school teacher, child care worker, administrator, family member, political leader, community leader, church leader, etc.), you are helping to lay down their understanding of the world and specifically, their neural pathways. You might think about the messages you are teaching kids about how to interpret the world. Do the messages promote mental health, strong relationships, and emotional maturity?

We all have room for improvement (I'm including myself here), and we never stop growing and changing. Where do you think you might shift your messaging a little bit? Or, maybe you have some healthy ways of viewing the world, but just have not shared it with others. Share it! 

5. Talk with other Lega-Leaders like you who might be up for an engaging discussion on the topic. Share these resources with other people (if appropriate and it's wanted).

6. Have fun! Enjoy learning and growing and be proud of yourself for taking steps to take care of your mental health. I am proud of you Lega-Leaders. It takes guts to be brave and to be open to growing.
​
And finally, thank you Dr. Loretta Graziano Breuning for your contribution to the well-being of society! If you liked this post, please visit her website here (7), check out her podcast (8), or read one of her many books (9). I have started to read Habits of a Happy Brain and I have really been enjoying it (10). 

Thank you for being here with me today, and I hope you have a great Labor Day weekend! If this post was helpful, please hit the Facebook Like button below or share the blog on Twitter or Facebook. Talk to you next week!

All the best,
​Holly 
​
PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

References and Links
(1) ​https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/happy-brain-podcast
(2) ​https://innermammalinstitute.org/
(3) ​https://innermammalinstitute.org/happypower/
​(4) ​https://youtu.be/z-79WwFMiO0
(5) ​https://youtu.be/pnB9L1wGp1M
(6) ​https://youtu.be/yCgCwe_A4pc
(7) https://innermammalinstitute.org/
(8) ​https://innermammalinstitute.org/podcast/
(9) https://innermammalinstitute.org/books/
​(10)https://innermammalinstitute.org/books/habits-of-a-happy-brain-serotonin-dopamine-oxytocin-endorphin/

Discuss, print, enjoy, and share the love. ​​​

​Photo by Sepehr Gh on Unsplash

Hello my brave community of Lega-Leaders (Relationship Legacy Leaders) who are changing the world, and the legacies handed to them, for the better right where they are! For more information about Relationship Legacy Leaders, please read my past blog posts: 5 easy ways to start being a relationship legacy leader right now (1), what is a relationship legacy leader (2), or the deeper meaning behind the name MoxiePsychology Legacy (3). 

In today's blog, I have an exercise that will help grow your self-awareness, shine some light on a potential blind spot of yours, and improve your relationships. I want to get you thinking about your biggest strength, and what the dark side of that strength might be. You just might have a glaring blind spot!!

The truth is, we all have blind spots (me included). If you cannot admit to having blind spots, then you might need to work on your self-awareness and your ability to grow and accept feedback. Did you know that in our training as therapists we are encouraged to continuously work on and be aware of our blind spots? This is so we do not accidentally significantly harm others through our blindness. I think this is important and beneficial for everyone to work on (not just therapists)!

The reason I want to get you thinking about this, is that rarely are things cut and dry or black and white. In my experience as a relationship therapist I see and read about examples of this every day. I think that having an extreme strength is an example where it is mostly beneficial (and extremely helpful) for one’s life; however, there is often a significant downside that needs to be acknowledged and explored (especially when it comes to relationships and in leadership positions) in order to prevent accidental harm to others from our blind spots.

A personality trait or strength may be extremely beneficial in one context, but an extreme detriment in another. Often in our romantic relationships, our partner knows exactly what that detriment is, because he or she sees us at our best and at our worst. Same goes for any close relationships we may have (family, friends, work relationships, etc.).

Although, there is a difference for work relationships... They they usually get our highest performing selves while our family sees us at the end of the work day when we are physically and emotionally depleted. As you can imagine, this can create some problems if we are not aware of or sensitive to this dynamic! Our weaknesses and negative aspects of our personality can be more likely to come out after a long day. 

Many times when we are dating, we are attracted to a certain strong quality (or qualities) about someone, and it may even be a quality that is the exact polar opposite of our own! Initially, this can lead to fireworks, romance, and passion, but as the relationship matures and grows, these differences must be worked through in a way that feels good to both parties. Furthermore, as time goes on these differences may even now be the source of significant frustration and hurt. What once was a quality that was so attractive is now the quality that bothers you the most (or maybe drives you crazy)! Every couple has to find a way to navigate these difference in order to be happy and satisfied over the long run.

I think that if you are in a marriage and you want to grow in your personal self-awareness, as well as in the strength of your relationship overall, it’s helpful to have an understanding and acceptance of who you each are. Actually, I believe it’s vital to the success of your marriage or relationship.

Why? One, so you both can avoid getting to the place where your differences tear you apart until you break up or divorce. Two, to help you approach one another with understanding and good listening skills, and to not try to expect something that the other person just cannot give or do well. Three, to create meaningful dialogue that supports win-win scenarios that involves capitalizing on each other’s strengths to solve problems successfully.

Especially in regards to extreme strengths or strong aspects of our personality (for example, introvert versus an extrovert), these are things that themselves cannot be changed much (if at all). What can be discussed, explored, and changed is HOW you discuss them, and how you work with each other’s natural tendencies to find better solutions.

You need to find ways to roll with each others differences instead of rolling OVER each other with your one way of doing things.

Ready to grow and discuss what you have learned? Feel brave enough to shine a light on a potential blind spot? Don’t be scared! Lega-Leaders let’s do this!

Step 1:
Name one of your biggest strengths or strongest beneficial personality attributes.

Step 2:
List out why you believe this strength or helpful personality attribute really stands out. What is the evidence, and what are the facts supporting this belief?

Step 3:
How has this significantly benefited YOU in your life in general? If you are doing this exercise to understand yourself better as a leader, you should also list out how your example has helped you personally in leading at work, in a group you are in charge of, or as a parent (parents are leaders!). If you are doing this in the context of a romantic relationship, you would want to list out how this has benefited you in your relationship.

Step 4:
How has_________________(your answer from step 1) significantly benefited others in your life?

Step 5:
Are there any extreme tendencies or personality attributes that you demonstrate that go along with your strength? (For example, you have a strength that you are a very hard worker and always make sure to get the job done, no matter what. Even if the job takes 12 hours, you will get it done in one day which has led to career growth and financial stability.)

Step 6:
What do you see as the dark side (or potential drawbacks) to your strength or personality attribute?

If you are having a hard time with this, you might think of your strength in terms of it’s opposite… Maybe you are extremely creative, innovative, and dislike structure, and this has greatly benefited your career and relationships. However, you find that you let people down when you need to follow a certain path or procrastinate when you need to follow the rules (following rules and structure is the opposite of your strength). 

Step 7:
What feedback or constructive criticism have you received about the downside of your strength or personality attribute? Have you ever received any?

Sometimes when you are in a position of power people may be hesitant to give you honest feedback, unless honest and respectful feedback has been developed as part of that system (work, school, home, etc.) from the beginning. Something to note and be aware of…

Step 8:
How has___________________(your answer from step 1) negatively impacted those around you in the past? Can you think of any specific examples? Any present problems currently?

Step 9:
How might___________________ (your answer from step 1) potentially negatively impact future circumstances or relationships?

Step 10:
Given your answers above, in a few sentences, summarize a blind spot that you have that springs from a huge strength of yours or a strong personality attribute:

Step 11:
Now that you have awareness of the dark side of your strength or personality attribute, how can you use this to develop better win-win scenarios with others in your life moving forward? List out all the ideas you can think of!

Being honest and acknowledging your tendencies is a good place to start!

Step 12:
Given your greater awareness of the downsides of your strengths or personality attributes, how can this help you to grow your empathy and understanding for people who are different than you (who have different personalities and strengths)?

It can often be easier to be more understanding of our own weaknesses than other people’s, which is why I am picking your brain for ideas on how you can be more empathetic.  

Step 13:
How can you use your increased self-awareness on the dark side of your strongest strengths or personality attributes to now find ways to mitigate (or lessen) the harmful effects of that dark side? How can you lessen the blow so to speak...?

Step 14:
Do you have someone you could share these answers with? Who? Would he or she be willing to give you some constructive and respectful feedback on the topic?

In Summary
I hope this exercise was enlightening for you! I also hope that you pair this exercise with a huge dose of love, and overflowing understanding for yourself and others. This exercise can be a practice in fully embracing yourself and all the complexities that make you who you are. You are not good or bad, you are whole as you are!

There is no shame in being you. This often includes having a strength in one area that makes us not as good in something else. That’s okay. That’s life, and we are all in the same boat! And life in that boat would be BORING if we were all the same. We are often drawn to others exactly because they are different than us, and other people are attracted to us because we are different than them.

​People love you exactly for who you are—so be you! Just like you love people for who they are (even with their warts). 

This world needs more Lega-Leaders like you who are daily finding ways to celebrate each other’s strengths, and who are driven to find ways to collaborate even though we are different and not perfect.

Lega-Leaders, what do you have to say about this topic?
Thanks for joining me today. As a lega-leader, what blind spots have you discovered? Are you in a long-term romantic relationship, family relationship, or friendship where you both have completely opposite strengths or personalities (introvert vs. extrovert, loud vs. quiet, organized and logical vs. messy and creative, etc.)? Any opposite attributes that drive you a little crazy? What do you believe are good ways to develop win-win scenarios that elevate everyone’s positive attributes and strengths (instead of being driven bonkers by them)? I would love to hear your ideas! Please share, because your ideas and solutions may help someone else!
​
All the best,
​Holly
​
​PS- Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added. 

​References and Links
(1)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/5-easy-ways-to-start-being-a-relationship-legacy-leader-right-now
(2)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/what-is-a-relationship-legacy-leader
(3)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/the-deeper-meaning-behind-the-name-moxiepsychology-legacy

Hello and welcome!

I created this video to get you thinking about where mental health starts. Once you've developed your own idea and understanding of where mental health begins, I would bet that it would influence the habits you decide to create in your own life.

In the video I explore the importance of developing 3 to 5 habits that help you the most in maintaining good mental health. This is important for two reasons. One, so that on a daily basis you are engaging in regular self-care (mental health maintenance). Two, so that during inevitable times of stress you will be resilient and bounce back more quickly. 

Thanks for watching!

All the best,
​Holly
​
​PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

Welcome!

Thanks for watching! Today's video is "outside the therapy box" which is where I like to think. I am a big picture thinker, and I love to understand how separate parts are connected. Did you know that marriage and family therapy is rooted in understanding systems?

On a different note, I am also deeply passionate about the mental health field, and how we can innovate it. You may hear more thoughts and ideas from me in the future about this!

Our world has changed... Relationships are now deeply and fundamentally intertwined with social platforms. Most of us now use social platforms every day as a way to connect with the important people in our lives! I think this is a good thing. I also think there is more we can do to leverage our communication and relationships on social platforms to make positive changes offline. 

Please watch the video to hear my idea how we can leverage Facebook for massive real world impact. And please share so Mark will hear this idea and consider making some innovative changes to Facebook! Thank you!

All the best,
​Holly
​
​PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

Hello and welcome!

​This video is for you dreamers out there who like me, want to make the world a better place through supporting mental health, valuing healthy communication, and championing thriving relationships. I share with you simple ways to start living out your values today.  

All the best,
​Holly
​
​PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

What do sock worms and a ridiculous Polaroid picture have to do with your relationships? Watch the video to find out!
​
Thanks for watching!

All the best,
​Holly

​PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

Hey there! I just thought I would do something a little different today and post a video for you. Enjoy!

By the way, if the video was helpful, can I ask you a favor? I am researching putting together some workshops that would be similar to what you just saw above.

Essentially, there would be a small educational component to the workshop, but most of the time you would actually be focused on how to apply the information to your own life. Additionally, since there would be others attending too, you could get feedback and support from the community. The workshop would likely be repeating (every week on the same day and time) so that you could continue to refine and hone your skills. The goal of the workshop is to provide the public with a fun and useful way to support mental health. Counseling is great (and very helpful), but I guess I'm wondering if there are other ways to support mental fitness that the public would be interested in.

Some questions:

1. What topics would be helpful for you?
2. How much would you be willing to pay for a 45 minute workshop?
3. Would you go? Would you not go?
4. Would you rather do the workshops in person or online?

Any thoughts or feedback are much appreciated! Please comment below or send me an email. Thank you :) 

All the best,
​Holly L. Harrison ​​
​
PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

Discuss, print, enjoy, and share the love. ​​

Photo by Court Prather on Unsplash

Hi there! How has your week been going? Thanks for swinging by my website today.

For your benefit I have gathered a few videos on Narcissism. Why? Well, I believe that to be a strong Relationship Legacy Leader you need to have a firm awareness of what narcissism is and how to root out narcissistic tendencies in any environment you are in (family, work, religious institutions, politics, etc.) (1). It's also incredibly important to continue to be aware of our own narcissistic tendencies and to continually work on addressing those tendencies (we all have ways we can improve). Ignore narcissism at your own peril—because whether or not you are aware of it you have been or will be affected by it in some way.

I believe that one of the best ways to stand up to narcissism is to make sure that we have leaders in place with high levels of integrity and empathy. These leaders set a strong example through their actions, and actively make it their mission to reduce or remove narcissism in whatever system (or systems) they are in. For example, when a leader is doing job interviews, she actively ask questions to assess someone's level of narcissism, empathy, self-awareness, and accountability.

I want you to know that when I refer to "leaders" I am not referring to some abstract concept that has no application to you. You are probably a leader in some way. Are you a parent? You are a leader. Are you a manager? You are a leader. Are you in charge of a church group or some sort of class? You are a leader. Are you an older sibling or one of the older members of a family? You are a leader. 

Additionally, when we follow someone's direction (or put our trust in any leader), we always need to ask ourselves if the person who is leading has everyone's best interests in mind... Or does she desire power solely for the sake of having power and control over people (and the perks of having power). 

This next part may sound a bit strong, but here goes. I like to imagine narcissism in systems (like families and workplaces) as having an effect like a slow leak has on floor boards and wood. A slow leak steadily (and insidiously) begins to cause mold and damage. It may not even be apparent at first or even for a long time; especially if the leak is tucked away somewhere where you cannot see it initially.

I don't know if you've had any experiences with slow and hidden leaks, because I have! And boy it's not an experience I want to repeat again! At a previous house I lived in with my husband and daughter here in Springfield, there was a very slow leak below our furnace which resided in a closet.

Well, we had no idea about the leak for a couple reasons. One, we didn't go deep into the closet very often where the leak was happening. Two, by the time we noticed how bad things were, it was too late—we had a serious problem on our hands. This was definitely not a pleasant experience in any way. We eventually got everything cleaned up and fixed, but at immense time and cost to us. To add insult to injury, slow leaks are not covered by insurance (at least not by ours anyway), so we had to pay for all of the damages out of pocket. 

Narcissism in any form is a slow and steady leak. It insidiously causes an immense amount damage to the system (any system). Initially it may not be apparent, but eventually there will be glaring signs and symptoms. For example, if a company is mainly led by those who espouse the end justifying the means, then regular company practices will be put in place that harm the public, the employees, or even the environment. Other signs that maybe something is not quite right is that there is a high employee turnover rate. You might notice that good people keep leaving the workplace, the political environment, the religious institution, or the family.

Sadly, once an individual has high narcissistic personality tendencies or even meets the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, there is not much that can be done to help that person individually. This is because they feel okay hurting others, and they actually feel pretty justified in doing so. It goes into the bucket of things that cannot be controlled in life and what we need to accept.

Fortunately, there is a lot we can control and a lot we can do. Stepping into and accepting the role of a Relationship Legacy Leader and making little changes wherever you are, can make a huge difference in the culture of your family, of your workplace, your country, and even in politics. Also, setting a strong and healthy example for kids is so important to prevent narcissistic tendencies from developing in the first place. Preventing narcissism and the damage it causes is a huge reason to support any group or activity that promotes the physical and mental health of young people. 

To review, a Relationship Legacy Leader is:
Someone who is committed to healthy relationships and emotional health for themselves, and also for the people around them. These progressive leaders deeply value thriving and resilient relationships, but are also keenly aware of the relational and emotional impact they have on other people: their partner or spouse, friends, relatives, co-workers, people in their community, kids, etc. These leaders know that in order to collaborate effectively, achieve the greatest growth, and to experience meaning and satisfaction out of life it takes growing our relationship and emotional skills. They intentionally seek out where they can make a difference, and make a conscious choice to do something positive. Whether the impact is on a few people or many, they know it all matters.  ​

Without further ado, here are a few videos for you to peruse you awesome amazing Relationship Legacy Leader you.

1. A TEDx talk by Dr. Ramani Durvasula (2):

2. Ten red flags indicating narcissism on the Surviving Narcissism YouTube channel (3):

3. Dr. Craig Malkin from Harvard medical school (4):

Questions to ask yourself after viewing these videos (either privately or start a discussion with someone else):

1. What did you learn from these videos? 

2. Since we all have narcissism to some extent, what are the ways you personally express it? 

3. Have there been environments where you could say the system was dominated by narcissistic values? If so, how could you tell?

4. Have there been environments where you could tell it was very healthy, and narcissism, bullying, and abuse was not tolerated? How did you know it was healthy? What specifically made that environment a thriving one?
​
5. What is one specific thing you can do this next week to actively make a difference as a Relationship Legacy Leader that reduces the narcissism in a system you are in?

Related to today's topic, if you have been hurt by someone with narcissism or hurt by a narcissistic system, you may want to review the blog article I wrote about uncovering your core values after being hurt in a narcissistic situation (5). This blog delves into what you can control in these situations, and how to figure out specific strategies for making the system healthier wherever you are using your values to guide you.

I am going to sum up today's blog by saying this... What you do matters. What you say matters. Having an open dialogue about how you can communicate better and treat each other better at work and at home matters. Taking a single step matters. What step will you take this week?

​​Thanks for being here with me today. If this post was helpful, please hit the Facebook Like button below or share the blog on Twitter or Facebook. Talk to you next week!

All the best,
​Holly L. Harrison ​​
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PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

References and Links
​(1)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/5-easy-ways-to-start-being-a-relationship-legacy-leader-right-now​ 
(2) ​youtu.be/aHHWgG7dB6A
(3) youtu.be/7dPAklBFyXs
​(4) youtu.be/YqV_QIvDeqA
(5)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/how-to-examine-a-painful-experience-as-a-way-to-uncover-core-values