Hello,

​Hope you are having a great week! ​I have important move updates for you:

1. I will begin seeing clients at the new location (Plaza Towers, Suite #408) on Monday, October 28th. This is on the 4th floor. 

​2. The week of October 21st is my final week in Chesterfield Village (Dearborn Office Building, Suite #E202).

3. The phone may be down during parts of the day on Thursday, October 24th due to the installation/transfer of the phone line. I apologize for any inconvenience this causes. If you are trying to reach me and are having difficulty, please email me (holly@moxiepsychologylegacy.com). 

Here's the Full New Address:
MoxiePsychology Legacy
1736 E Sunshine St, Suite 408
Springfield, MO 65804

I know there have been a lot of move updates lately on the blog and not as much psychological content. So, for you Lega-Leaders (Relationship Legacy Leaders) out there who closely follow the blog, I listened to a fascinating podcast recently that I want to share with you (1). This one is a little "off the beaten path" you could say of strict psychological knowledge; it covers the intersection of the mind and body.

One of my beliefs as a therapist is that the mind and body are deeply connected. I believe that what we eat affects our mental health (and our relationship health too). For example, how is a child who didn't eat breakfast supposed to be able to concentrate, be in a good mood, socialize with others, and be ready to learn? How might a child's intellectual and social functioning be different if he or she doesn't eat breakfast every single day in comparison to a child who does? How might a child's mood and functioning be if he or she consumes healthy protein and healthy fat for breakfast in the morning in comparison to a child who only eats something highly sugary? You could even substitute "child" here for "adult!"

Besides... For me personally, I know I get cranky if I don't eat... Raise your hand if you can relate! My concentration and patience is much less when my blood sugar is low. I can definitely tell how my mood and functioning changes throughout the day when my blood sugar is level versus dropping (or very low). That is why I make it a habit to eat when I'm slightly to somewhat hungry instead of ravenous and hangry. This way I'm not having to bounce back mentally and physically from such an extreme low, and my mood isn't on a roller coaster ride. You will just need to experiment for yourself to see what strategy gives you mental peak performance and the most mood stability. 

​So, today I want to share with you a podcast that explores the current research (that is being done as we speak), on the topic of preventing Alzheimer's (2). If you are a Lega-Leader who thinks about the physical, mental, and relationship health of the people you lead, then you are going to love this episode of Gastropod:

Hope you enjoyed the podcast! I know I definitely came away with some helpful ideas about which foods protect and which foods hurt the brain (you know me and how I love concrete ideas on things we can do right now). With that in mind, I have been planning how I can reduce my sugar intake, increase my omega-3 fatty acids, increase my consumption of fish, and increase my greens.

My sweet tooth is off the charts sometimes, so some of the changes will be hard for me, but I'm going to see where I can here and there cut down on sugar. Today I bought a coffee creamer that has 1 gram of sugar per tablespoon, instead of 4 grams per tablespoon that is in the creamer I usually get (no wonder I liked it so much). Added sugar adds up fast, but I do believe that taking it out in little ways can really add up over the months and years. I drink coffee on most days, so I think that changing my creamer could really help over the long run. 

​The researchers in the podcast mentioned that if you have a genetic risk for Alzheimer's you may not be able to prevent it entirely, but if you can prevent it's onset for a few years (or more), that would make a pretty tremendous difference. I think so too. Additionally, setting a good example for the kids in your life and helping them form good health habits provides protective benefits beyond just yourself.  

​Thanks for joining me today! Have a great weekend!

All the best,
​Holly 
​
PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

References and Links
(1)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/5-easy-ways-to-start-being-a-relationship-legacy-leader-right-now
​(2)https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/gastropod/e/59353191

Found this blog helpful? Other posts you might enjoy:

• Great Resource Alert! Ever Wanted To Understand Your Brain's Happy Chemicals Better?
• Say it Second
• Forever Homework For Couples
• Great Podcast Resource For Relationship Legacy Leaders In The Workplace
• The Deeper Meaning Behind The Name MoxiePsychology Legacy

Discuss, print, enjoy, and share the love.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

This post was originally published by Holly L. Harrison on 12/8/2014​. The picture has been changed and updates/edits have been made for clarity (1).

The time in between getting engaged and getting married is often a very exciting—but also an incredibly busy and stressful—time for couples. Oftentimes there is a to-do list a mile long! When knocking out each of those items on your seemingly endless list of tasks to get done, what is really most important? Is it trying cake samples? Finding the perfect wedding dress? Planning the perfect bachelor/bachelorette party? Making arrangements for the honeymoon?

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I am trained to think about what couples can do to protect their relationship and what factors put the couple at risk for divorce in the future. The best (and easiest) time to work on your relationship is when couples are first together—before getting married—because they are setting up the habits and patterns that define the rest of their lives together. Once harmful patterns are already in place, they can sometimes be hard to break after three, five, or ten years of marriage. If left unchecked, these negative habits can have a devastating impact on a couple, and they can sometimes even lead to the demise of a marriage. Even if couples, who come in to see me for counseling, quickly make changes to the most harmful of patterns, they still have to work on repairing all the damage that has been done in the past (which takes time).

So, what is the most important thing you can do to nurture and protect your relationship when you are engaged? I believe that the best thing you can do is to develop a healthy relationship outlook.  A healthy relationship outlook rests on six pillars:

1. Understanding and acceptance: Cultivate understanding and acceptance that the person who you love is often going to be the one who hurts you the most in life—and also that you will hurt the one you love (sometimes tremendously). Your partner sees you at your best, your worst, and everything in between. You will go through great times together—but also incredibly difficult ones.

2. How we work through our problems is more important than the problems themselves: Couples who understand that they will be each other’s greatest source of joy, but also pain, realize that it is not the problems that define them—it is how they work through their problems that defines their relationship. People with amazing marriages have just as many problems as other people. I think it is easy to fall into the trap of believing that people who are happy, or have happy marriages, just had it easy in life or are just lucky. In reality, everyone has problems—not necessarily the same ones—but everyone has struggles that are painful. It is how struggles are handled that makes all the difference.

3. Fess up when we mess up—​every time: Wise couples know that in order to prevent issues from piling up with each and every unresolved problem, it is important that they take full responsibility for their choices. Why is this important? Well, why do couples wind up in my counseling office? Just about every single one tells me it is because their problems piled up, one after the other, over a period of years, and they just could not take it anymore. In contrast, couples who have healthier marriages take full and unabashed responsibility for their mistakes (every single time) and completely avoid justifying poor decisions or blaming others for their actions. Furthermore, once responsibility has been taken, the offender takes steps to fix the problem and keeps his or her partner posted of the progress made.

4. An unwavering view that hurting our partner is NEVER justified, even when they hurt us first: When a relationship is new and fresh, oftentimes couples could never imagine doing something to hurt the other. As the newness wears off in a relationship, couples become more at risk for becoming complacent in a relationship. Slowly couples can get caught in the trap of doing things to hurt each other—just because they were hurt first. For example, Katie feels justified and "right" for yelling back and putting down her spouse because her spouse made a joke at her expense. Healthier couples take the hard line that hurting each other is NEVER okay, but this does not mean they think being hurt is all right. They just find a better way to communicate their hurts instead of lashing out at their partner to show how much pain they are in. Couples who get caught in this trap think that they are justified in what they did, because of what the other did first, when what is really happening is that they are becoming exactly what they did not like in the first place. 

5. Genuine apologies are the best apologies: Couples whose relationship problems do not become center stage in their life are experts at great apologies. When apologies are done in a sincere, loving, specific, and genuine way that demonstrates a clear understanding of the damage done—couples can move beyond their problems and focus on enjoying their lives! Genuine apologies are the remedy for old issues coming up over and over again like a broken record.

6. Intense empathy: Healthier couples have intensity about understanding and appreciating their loved one. They have an insatiable curiosity and respect in regards to the other person’s perspective, even though they may not always see eye to eye.

If you are currently in the early stages of your relationship or engaged, please consider making a firm commitment to working on these six pillars of a healthy relationship outlook in order to develop habits that make the good times even more wonderful, and protect your relationship during the rocky ones. Even if you are married and have been in a relationship for a while, these pillars can help you too! Working on these areas is a gift that will last well beyond your wedding date, and if practiced daily, can be benefited from for the rest of your lives together!
​
Thanks for being here with me today. If this post was helpful, please hit the Facebook Like button below or share the blog on Twitter or Facebook. Talk to you next week!

All the best,
​Holly 
​
PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.​

References and Links
(1) https://tranquilwcw.com/blog/december-08th-2014​

Found this blog helpful? Other posts you might enjoy:

• ​​ Say It Second
•  How To Use I Statements Effectively
• Forever Homework For Couples
• ​How Couples Can Communicate Clearly During Disagreements To Prevent  Defensiveness and Escalation​ 
• Are You A Couple Looking For Some Relief From Conflict? Here Are 8 Places To Start Right Now
• Feeling A Little "Off Track" With Your Spouse Or Partner? It's Okay, Every Couple Feels That Way Sometimes. Let's Talk About It. 

​Photo by Jared Sluyter on Unsplash

Hello Lega-Leaders (Relationship Legacy Leaders) (1)! I have a few resources to share with you today that build on the topic of trust from last week (5 Rebuilding trust tips for couples) (2). I found two videos and one podcast that all center around Dr. John Gottman's views on trust.

​If you are unfamiliar with Dr. Gottman and his impressive research on relationships and communication, you can learn more about who he is here (3) or you can check out the home page of The Gottman Institute here (4). Also in those links you will discover that Dr. John Gottman has worked closely with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, who has equally made incredible contributions to the field. 

I have been incorporating more and more of Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottmans' work into my practice because it is research-based and there are a variety of useful and effective tools for couples (I can't wait to share them with you!). These professionals have made such an incredible contribution to our knowledge about what makes relationships survive (and thrive), versus fail. Finally, after you have done 40 years of in-depth research on relationships, you probably know a thing or two about them (5)! 

As you can imagine, trust is an essential component of a thriving romantic relationship or marriage. Ongoing problems with trust often lead to relationship or marriage dissatisfaction. I know "trust" seems pretty abstract, right??? But boy you sure know when it's not working well in your relationship... So, how do you make real and lasting changes that you can FEEL? 

The good news is that we now know a whole lot more about which healthy habits to do (and which ones not to do). This has really been a major foundation of Dr. John Gottman's work. The even better news is that you can actually learn which habits lead to thriving romantic relationships, versus ones that lead to unhappiness or breakups/ divorce.

Here's the bad news: Forming healthy habits takes a willingness to learn and grow, and a commitment to long-term practice over time. It also means reducing and removing harmful habits (and being able to admit you have them). Which, that's not so bad, right?! You can do this!!! Healthy relationships are just based on skills you can learn, but it does take time and practice. This is often where a couples counselor can be really beneficial, because we can guide you on which habits to focus on improving (especially in the context of your specific relationship strengths and weaknesses). 

So, enjoy Dr. Gottman's views on trust, and start thinking about how you can turn his recommendations into real habits in your own life!

"John Gottman: How to Build Trust" (6): 

"John Gottman: The Importance of Trust" (7):

"74: John Gottman - How to Build Trust and Positive Energy in Your Relationship" (8):

What did you think about the trust resources? Where do you feel you can make some real improvements on your daily and weekly habits so you can really FEEL the difference as the months (and years) go by? When consuming videos, podcasts, books, etc., I think it's a good strategy to hone in on what was particularly meaningful for you and why. So, was there anything that was especially meaningful for you? If so, what made it stick out to you? Comment below!

​Talk to you next week! Have a terrific weekend!

All the best,
​Holly 
​
PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

References and Links
(1)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/5-easy-ways-to-start-being-a-relationship-legacy-leader-right-now
(2) ​https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/5-rebuilding-trust-tips-for-couples
(3) ​https://www.gottman.com/about/john-julie-gottman/
(4) https://www.gottman.com/
(5) ​https://www.gottman.com/about/john-julie-gottman/
​(6) ​https://youtu.be/rgWnadSi91s
​(7) https://youtu.be/0edZLvUTojA
​(8) ​https://youtu.be/AbusKrcNJTI

Hello and welcome!

​This video is for you dreamers out there who like me, want to make the world a better place through supporting mental health, valuing healthy communication, and championing thriving relationships. I share with you simple ways to start living out your values today.  

All the best,
​Holly
​
​PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

Hello. I'm so glad you are here. Hope you had a great 4th of July. No original blog or newsletter last week due to the holiday, but a brand new original blog today.

Thanks for watching! Any comments or questions? I'd love to hear them! Hope you are staying cool with the summer heat and humidity. I could really use a nice beach right now...

All the best,
​Holly
​
​PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

What do sock worms and a ridiculous Polaroid picture have to do with your relationships? Watch the video to find out!
​
Thanks for watching!

All the best,
​Holly

​PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

Hey there! I just thought I would do something a little different today and post a video for you. Enjoy!

By the way, if the video was helpful, can I ask you a favor? I am researching putting together some workshops that would be similar to what you just saw above.

Essentially, there would be a small educational component to the workshop, but most of the time you would actually be focused on how to apply the information to your own life. Additionally, since there would be others attending too, you could get feedback and support from the community. The workshop would likely be repeating (every week on the same day and time) so that you could continue to refine and hone your skills. The goal of the workshop is to provide the public with a fun and useful way to support mental health. Counseling is great (and very helpful), but I guess I'm wondering if there are other ways to support mental fitness that the public would be interested in.

Some questions:

1. What topics would be helpful for you?
2. How much would you be willing to pay for a 45 minute workshop?
3. Would you go? Would you not go?
4. Would you rather do the workshops in person or online?

Any thoughts or feedback are much appreciated! Please comment below or send me an email. Thank you :) 

All the best,
​Holly L. Harrison ​​
​
PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

Discuss, print, enjoy, and share the love. ​

Photo by Pedro da Silva on Unsplash

​I love to talk with couples about their Forever Homework. These are important life-long relationship habits that keep the couple strong over the long-haul. Sort of like regular exercise for your relationship in order to keep your relationship muscles strong and resilient.

Here's the thing... couples counseling won't save your relationship because it's a short term event. You know what does heal a relationship and keep it strong over the long-term? It's the key relationship habits you put in place that you do forever; your Forever Homework.

I have a few ideas for you to explore and mentally munch on ("carrots, anyone?"). This list is by no means all-encompassing, and every couple has different needs. The purpose of today's blog is to inspire you with one or two ideas that you really like so that you start doing them right now, and for the rest of your life. 

I'm a big believer that making small changes can lead to an entirely different outcome. I remember in my marriage and family therapy graduate program learning about the example of an airplane that has shifted it's direction by only a degree. Shifting an airplane's direction by a single degree completely changes where that airplane ends up! I don't know the original source on that analogy; I want you to know it's not my original idea. It is a brilliant example though that I've never forgotten. If I come across the original source I will update the blog. So, just try one new thing and see where you end up over the years!

Before I share my recommendations, let’s set the stage. You might think about the core 3 to 6 habits that really keep your relationship the strongest and healthiest. What are they? Can you name them or list them out? What would your partner say they are, and are they all the same or are some of them different? If you feel there is some room for improvement, what do you believe are the one or two habits you could implement that would have the most impact? Have you ever had a conversation about the core habits that keep you and your partner close and connected? If not, when can you have that conversation? Are there certain values you have that guide the habits you want in place? 

It's okay to try different habits to see what benefits your relationship the most (go ahead, experiment like a mad scientist! Buwahahaha!!!). This is so you can come up with your own formula for your Forever Homework as a couple. The core habits for each couple will be different, and I believe you as a couple know yourselves the best. Have fun making your own unique recipe that keeps your relationship the healthiest and most resilient! 

Forever Homework Ideas:
Every day keep an eye on the ratio of positive to negative interactions. Make it 5 to 1. 

• Research by John Gottman shows that you need a balance of 5 positive interactions to each 1 negative interaction to keep your relationship healthy and to prevent divorce (1). See the super cool video below which explores how to keep your emotional bank account in balance and not overdrawn (1):

•  Some questions to think about after watching the video: How many positive acts do you do for your partner in comparison to each hurtful behavior? Are you happy with the ratio or is there room for improvement?
• Couples who are happy do daily little things that are kind, considerate, and thoughtful because it's the right thing to do (they don't wait to do something nice until the other person does it first).
• Couples who are the happiest do positive and healing behaviors even when there are problems in the relationship and even when they disagree with each other, and that is where the challenge is. Challenge yourself to do little nice things, especially when you are upset and angry with your partner. And do it every time you are upset with each other. Just see what happens!
• The goal is not to be perfect; there will always be stressful situations that hijack your ratio. The goal is to notice each time when the positive interactions are dipping consistently low due to stressful situations, and then focus on bringing it back up again.

Be aware of the fundamental attribution error and it's impact on your relationship.

• ​Check out the video below for a visual explanation of the fundamental attribution error (2). This is essentially when we interpret other people's bad choices as something to do with them internally (a consistent personality characteristic or flaw), but when we make a bad choice we tend to interpret why we did it on external events that made us do it. We tend to jump to internal explanations for other people's behaviors and external explanations for ourselves.

• I want you to think for a moment... How might the fundamental attribution error play out with a couple? Where might it lead to problems? Do you tend to view your partner's bad choices based on stable traits, but your own mistakes on circumstances outside your control (maybe you blamed what you did on your partner)? ​Have you ever become very condescending and mean when your partner made a mistake (because it's their "nature"), but then when you made a mistake you expect understanding and compassion because it's due to external circumstances?
• Well, due to the unique nature of long-term romantic relationships, you inevitably see each other make some pretty bad choices and major mistakes, as well as small mistakes every day (we ALL fall in this category; I'm including myself here). Can you guess where I'm going with this? Since we will all see our partners making bad choices, we are left with a decision. Do we decide it's part of their nature? Or do we instead to first look for the external circumstances at play? Do we constantly excuse ourselves when we make mistakes, but then jump down our partner's throats each time they are not perfect?
• In my experience, couples who consistently view the other person as having steady internal reasons for their decisions and choices are pretty unhappy overall. 
• Using the fundamental attribution error too much makes couples unhappy because if the issues are always due to stable personality traits, then the couple doesn't attempt to try constructive solutions to solve the problem. They think, what's the point in trying if the problem is just the way your partner is? When this happens repeatedly, the issues and problems pile up.
• More questions to get you thinking: How do you react when someone labels you as just being a certain way? How does that immediately make you feel? Do you like it? Does that make you want to work together with the other person? Does that escalate the conversation? Can you work on watching your assumptions (both said out loud and inside your head)?
• Positive ways to move forward now you are aware of the fundamental attribution error: 1. Instead of blaming problems on your partner's internal traits (which can't be solved), first ask questions to understand what external events where happening and clarify your misunderstandings. 2. After you did not jump to conclusions, demonstrate compassion and understanding when mistakes are made. Treat your partner how you would want to be treated if you had made a mistake. 3. Brainstorm specific behavioral solutions together and follow the plan. 

It's HOW you say what you say that matters. Not WHAT the problem is, that you disagree, or even how big the problem is. HOW you say what you say should be a focus. 

• There will always be topics to work on and problems that need to be discussed and planned for regularly. This is the nature of a long-term relationship, and it's out of your control. There are issues daily and weekly that need your attention, and that's totally normal.
• The absence of problems is never the goal as a couple, and is never the goal in couples counseling. The goal is to communicate with respect for the other person, even when you disagree. This is actually pretty hard! We are not born with this ability. It takes continuous practice like anything else--​think of learning a sport or how to play an instrument. If you know how to play an instrument, did you just wake up one day knowing how to play it? No, it took lots and lots of practice!
• HOW you communicate matters a whole lot, and WHAT the problem is, actually doesn't matter as much. This is because how you communicate with someone else determines whether the problem is worked through to the point where you both feel okay about it... or not at all (goes into the pile of unresolved issues).
• In my experience, I have seen couples overcome some pretty big issues in their marriage (such as an affair), but this occurs only when they can both focus on communicating respectfully and each working hard to do their part. 
• Not so great communication: Yelling, saying put-downs, harassing the other person, laughing at the other person, gossiping about your partner, using a condescending tone, making a joke at the expense of your partner, etc. This stops your conversation at the start and immediately stops a successful discussion of the issues.
• Great communication: Asking questions, not making assumptions, using a calm tone of voice, using specific behavioral examples, coming up with win-win solutions, etc. 

​
If it's important to one of you, it's important to both of you (even if you don't care about it too much or you personally are not really worried about it!).

• My rule that I like to have couples follow is if your partner is worried about something, and you are not, to always show validation and listen. Again, easier said than done (a lot falls into that bucket!).
• I recommend you follow this rule because inevitably the roles will be reversed down the road, and when you are in the position that something is important to you, you would want your partner to listen, right? That is why you do the same for them. 
• I've noticed there is almost this internal comparison that happens sometimes with couples. One person will have a concern, and the other person might think, "well, it's not a big deal to me, and we are not at the same level of concern, so it's not important and my partner is overreacting." Just be aware of this dynamic so you can make sure to consistently show support for your partner even when your level of concern is different than your partner's.  

​
Fess up when you mess up—every time (for the rest of your life). 

• Nip problems in the bud while they are small. Many small problems in relationships explode into major catastrophes simply because people do not acknowledge their part the moment it happens or shortly thereafter. In comparison to when someone quickly and honestly acknowledges their mistake, the transgression almost ends up forgotten with no lingering emotional baggage (as long as it was not a major violation). 
• This means holding yourself accountable every time you hurt someone. Never wait for someone to call you out on it; just because someone didn't say anything doesn't mean they didn't notice and it didn't impact the relationship. 
• How do you know when you've messed up? When you've raised your voice, said a put-down, made a false negative assumption about your partner, when you didn't do something you said you were going to do, slammed a door, not been engaged in conversation when your partner was talking to you, etc.
• It's perfectly okay if you don't know how to fix the problem yet, but the starting place for growth and healing is recognizing your part. 
• Only take responsibility for exactly your part, and stop there. Make holding yourself accountable as accurate as possible (don't over or under take responsibility for your actions). 

​
Ask yourself “Am I a good person to talk to right now?” (3)

• Click the link above for a full article I wrote on the topic.
• This is an important habit to implement forever because when you ask yourself this question, you are essentially doing a quick self-check on your own mental state.
• Make a conscious choice to show up to conversations when you are clear-headed versus emotionally reacting and saying things you can’t take back. Many relationships end or are permanently damaged by one or two attacking, mean, and hateful statements that are never apologized for.

 
Hurting others is not justified just because we are hurt. 

• I explored this concept in this blog here at #6 (4). 
• The key takeaway is to notice when you are saying comments or doing behaviors solely based on your hurt, and then feeling justified in hurting others. I'm not at all saying that when your partner does something wrong it's okay (because it isn't okay and it should be discussed). I'm saying taking the high road. You have a choice. 
• Hurting others because we are hurt is never a successful strategy with couples, but couples often get sucked into the cycle. You probably will at some point in your relationship get swept up by it. That's okay, just notice it, apologize for what you need to, and change your behaviors. 

Keep the fun alive in your relationship.

• This is easy at the beginning of a relationship and becomes more challenging as a relationship progresses over the years due to the novelty wearing off and more obligations and responsibilities creeping in.
• Couples usually find that the longer they are together, the more important it is to schedule in time for fun (I know, it's not as romantic, but who said things never changed in life?!). 
• Fun time is sacred time! Keep fun time special and don't discuss problems during this time. None at all! Don't spoil the fun.
• Do little things every day that make each other laugh. Go ahead, share those funny memes and YouTube cat videos with each other.

Forever Homework Summary:

1. Every day keep an eye on the ratio of positive to negative interactions. Make it 5 to 1.  
2. Be aware of the fundamental attribution error and it's impact on your relationship.
3. It's HOW you say what you say that matters. Not WHAT the problem is, that you disagree, or even how big the problem is. HOW you say what you say should be the focus. 
4. If it's important to one of you, it's important to both of you (even if you don't care about it too much or you personally are not really worried about it!). 
5. Fess up when you mess up--every time (for the rest of your life).
6. Ask yourself, "Am I a good person to talk to right now?"
7. Hurting others is not justified because we are hurt. 
8. Keep the fun alive in your relationship.

Thank you for joining me today and letting me give you some mental carrots to munch on. I'm so glad you are here. I hope one of the Forever Homework items inspired you, and you have decided to incorporate it into your life. I can't wait for you to see the long-term benefits from your daily habits!

​For you Relationship Legacy Leaders out there, start doing these habits with your friends, co-workers, and your kids (5)! Share with the people around you what you have learned; teaching is a great way to connect with others and it helps you to remember the new information you have learned.

If this post was helpful, please hit the Facebook Like button below or share the blog on Twitter. Talk to you next week. 

All the best,
​Holly L. Harrison ​

PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

​References and Links
(1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHN2EKd9tuE&t=27s
(2) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8IcYSrcaaA
(3) https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/am-i-a-good-person-to-talk-to-right-now
(4)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/are-you-a-couple-looking-for-some-relief-from-conflict-here-are-8-places-to-start-right-now
​(5) https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/what-is-a-relationship-legacy-leader