Photo by jesse orrico on Unsplash

Hello Lega-Leaders (Relationship Legacy Leaders)! I have a great resource to share with you today that I think you will love.

As I was working out at my house yesterday morning doing some weight training and yoga stretches, I was listening to the Happy Brain Podcast (1) on my Stitcher app and I realized I really need to pass on this excellent resource to the Lega-Leaders out there. I've been listening to this podcast for a while now and I have found it immensely insightful.

But first... Do you ever wonder why you emotionally feel so low sometimes and why happy emotions don't seem to last long enough? Are you curious about some of the neural superhighways in your own brain that lead you to unhealthy ways of relieving stress and cortisol (such as food, drugs, alcohol, video games, spending money, etc.)? Do you wonder how you can change your habits using research on the brain? Is understanding what causes mood changes intriguing to you? I think that Dr. Loretta Graziano Breuning's work with the Inner Mammal Institute provides some helpful insights to these questions and greatly deepens our understanding of our "happy chemicals" as she calls them (2). 

Dr. Loretta Graziano Breuning describes the brain and brain chemicals in easy to understand language. She also has videos to help you visualize what she is talking about. Not a brain research scientist? No problem. She strives to explain the brain in easy to understand ways that help you apply the knowledge to your every day life.

So... I nerd out and always get excited about real life psychological application because  this is the stuff that really helps people and changes lives. That is part of the reason why I'm so excited to share this resource with you!

Below are some helpful videos Dr. Graziano Breuning has done so you can start to get an idea of her work if you are not already familiar with it. To access her whole video series on her website, click here (3). 

Video explaining the different happy chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins (4):

Feel worried or stressed? That is cortisol. Learn more about it here (5):

Notice how your mood changes? A video on that topic (6):

How Lega-Leaders can use this resource (Holly's application thoughts and ideas here):

1. Apply this this work to yourself. This is a wonderful place to begin! When you understand your own brain, you can experience compassion for your personal mood changes and also a deeper sense of empathy for the mood changes of others. 

2. Use this resource as one guide to help yourself develop healthier habits. Dr. Graziano Breuning says it takes 45 days of consistent daily practice to put a new healthy habit in place since you are strengthening a weak (or maybe non-existent) trail of synapses in your brain. 

3. Teach your kids about different brain chemicals, and give them ideas for healthy ways of coping. If your kids are old enough, you might even show them the above videos! Explain that it's normal that we all have fluctuations in our brain chemicals and that life can feel stressful and quite painful sometimes. It's a normal part of everyone's life (there is no need to feel bad, inadequate, or lacking). It's all about developing lifelong healthy habits and healthy relationships that is important here (and what is in our control).

4. Realize that as a leader of kids in whatever environment that might be (as a parent, school teacher, child care worker, administrator, family member, political leader, community leader, church leader, etc.), you are helping to lay down their understanding of the world and specifically, their neural pathways. You might think about the messages you are teaching kids about how to interpret the world. Do the messages promote mental health, strong relationships, and emotional maturity?

We all have room for improvement (I'm including myself here), and we never stop growing and changing. Where do you think you might shift your messaging a little bit? Or, maybe you have some healthy ways of viewing the world, but just have not shared it with others. Share it! 

5. Talk with other Lega-Leaders like you who might be up for an engaging discussion on the topic. Share these resources with other people (if appropriate and it's wanted).

6. Have fun! Enjoy learning and growing and be proud of yourself for taking steps to take care of your mental health. I am proud of you Lega-Leaders. It takes guts to be brave and to be open to growing.
​
And finally, thank you Dr. Loretta Graziano Breuning for your contribution to the well-being of society! If you liked this post, please visit her website here (7), check out her podcast (8), or read one of her many books (9). I have started to read Habits of a Happy Brain and I have really been enjoying it (10). 

Thank you for being here with me today, and I hope you have a great Labor Day weekend! If this post was helpful, please hit the Facebook Like button below or share the blog on Twitter or Facebook. Talk to you next week!

All the best,
​Holly 
​
PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

References and Links
(1) ​https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/happy-brain-podcast
(2) ​https://innermammalinstitute.org/
(3) ​https://innermammalinstitute.org/happypower/
​(4) ​https://youtu.be/z-79WwFMiO0
(5) ​https://youtu.be/pnB9L1wGp1M
(6) ​https://youtu.be/yCgCwe_A4pc
(7) https://innermammalinstitute.org/
(8) ​https://innermammalinstitute.org/podcast/
(9) https://innermammalinstitute.org/books/
​(10)https://innermammalinstitute.org/books/habits-of-a-happy-brain-serotonin-dopamine-oxytocin-endorphin/

Discuss, print, enjoy, and share the love. ​​

Photo by Shanique Wright on Unsplash

This post was originally published by Holly L. Harrison on 9/5/2015. The picture has been changed and updates/edits have been made for clarity (1).

​​If you have been on Facebook, Twitter, or watched the news lately, you have probably seen something about the Ashley Madison website hack (this is a website specifically designed for people who are married and are looking to have an affair). In case you missed it, you can check out ABC News for a summary (2). Given the staggering number of users on the website (including public and government officials), many couples may be wondering what they can do to protect their relationship from an affair. I truly believe this is an important topic for couples to discuss, because affairs are common in relationships. It is one of the most devastating problems that could happen because of the resulting shattered trust that takes a long time to be rebuilt. Here are seven ways you can protect your relationship from an affair:

1. Acknowledge that your relationship is not affair-proof.

When couples believe, "An affair could never happen to us; we are too in love," they tend to not put protection and boundaries in place. Affairs often happen due to a slow and almost imperceptible shifting of boundaries over a long period of time. Often it is not until after the affair ends when the couple realizes it started way before that first kiss or sexual encounter. It may have begun with spending more time, as friends, with a coworker.   

2. Discuss and agree on relationship boundaries, ideally early in the relationship. Tweak as needed.

Healthy boundaries are flexible enough to provide room for positive people and experiences to flow into your life, but also firm enough to provide protection against possible problems. For instance, developing positive coworker friendships can provide meaning and satisfaction in the workplace, but also being aware of not spending too much time alone with a coworker who you could become attracted to is also important.

3. Make transparency a daily habit in your relationship.

I believe in full-disclosure. If your partner has a question, you answer it. If an old flame approaches you on Facebook, you let your partner know about it right away (without having to be asked). I also advocate that couples have full access to all usernames and passwords. If you have nothing to hide, any accounts or emails that you have should be pretty boring. Knowing you have access to all your partner’s accounts at any time creates accountability and leads to a tremendous sense of security. 

4. Take care of yourself and deal with stress.

Eating healthy, getting enough rest, developing a passionate hobby, and nurturing important relationships in your life, will allow you to make much better relationship decisions than someone who is not doing so. I often say to couples in counseling that our spouses frequently get “thrown under the bus” and take the brunt of the blame when we are not feeling happy in our lives. It is not realistic to expect our significant other to meet all of our needs to feel physically and emotionally healthy. If we would just take a nap, go for a walk, spend some time with a best friend, etc. we would feel a lot better. 

5. Surround yourself with friends who support healthy relationships and maintain positive relationship habits.

If you want a long-term, healthy, and monogamous relationship with your spouse, befriend people who have healthy relationships. Your support network has such an incredible impact on how you respond to problems with your partner. Think about the friends you surround yourself with. What are their attitudes towards cheating? Do they give you good advice during the normal and inevitable ups and downs of a long-term relationship? Or do they take sides and create further distance between you and your loved one? Do they advocate growth and personal responsibility in their relationships or do they blame everyone else for their relationship problems and remain personally stagnant?

6. Make a commitment to use healthy communication and to resolve issues when they are small or new. 

Couples who have healthy relationships enjoy learning about each other and learning how to communicate better throughout their lives. They know that the better they communicate, and the stronger their relationship is, the easier it is to handle problems that come up. Keep in mind, you will always have issues to resolve or work out with your partner – often more than anyone else in your life. A couple who only deals with relationship issues that are huge and have been going on for years, may believe that the only way out is a drastic solution such as divorce or an affair. If you are in a romantic relationship and early on experience struggles communicating, it might be an indicator you need to work on your communication through reading relationship books, attending a workshop, or going to couples counseling. 

7. Keep passion alive in your relationship.

After the initial honeymoon phase (where passion comes so easy), it often takes a more proactive and planned approach to keep passion alive in the relationship. Even if it is more thought-out and planned, it can be just as wonderful! Make sure to plan dates that are fun and out of the ordinary. Do not get stuck in a rut by doing the same date every time. Surprise your partner from time to time with whatever activities or things your partner enjoys most.  

To sum it all up...
The best time to discuss the above seven areas is in the early stages of a relationship, but it is never too late to discuss them! This is why I always include a discussion about affair prevention with premarital couples I work with. It can be tough for me to convince couples that they need to think about preventing an affair right at the exact moment when they are feeling so incredibly in love! But believe me, it is an important topic, because I see way too many couples who love each other at my office saying, “We never thought it would happen to us.” With a little bit of discussion and the implementation of some simple strategies, you can go a long way in protecting your relationship from an affair. 

Thanks for being here with me today. If this post was helpful, please hit the Facebook Like button below or share the blog on Twitter or Facebook. Talk to you next week!

All the best,
​Holly 
​
PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

References and Links
(1)https://tranquilwcw.com/blog/7-ways-to-protect-your-relationship-from-an-affair
​(2)https://abcnews.go.com/Technology/ashley-madison-hack-included-data-dump/story?id=33176238

Discuss, print, enjoy, and share the love. ​​​

​Photo by Sepehr Gh on Unsplash

Hello my brave community of Lega-Leaders (Relationship Legacy Leaders) who are changing the world, and the legacies handed to them, for the better right where they are! For more information about Relationship Legacy Leaders, please read my past blog posts: 5 easy ways to start being a relationship legacy leader right now (1), what is a relationship legacy leader (2), or the deeper meaning behind the name MoxiePsychology Legacy (3). 

In today's blog, I have an exercise that will help grow your self-awareness, shine some light on a potential blind spot of yours, and improve your relationships. I want to get you thinking about your biggest strength, and what the dark side of that strength might be. You just might have a glaring blind spot!!

The truth is, we all have blind spots (me included). If you cannot admit to having blind spots, then you might need to work on your self-awareness and your ability to grow and accept feedback. Did you know that in our training as therapists we are encouraged to continuously work on and be aware of our blind spots? This is so we do not accidentally significantly harm others through our blindness. I think this is important and beneficial for everyone to work on (not just therapists)!

The reason I want to get you thinking about this, is that rarely are things cut and dry or black and white. In my experience as a relationship therapist I see and read about examples of this every day. I think that having an extreme strength is an example where it is mostly beneficial (and extremely helpful) for one’s life; however, there is often a significant downside that needs to be acknowledged and explored (especially when it comes to relationships and in leadership positions) in order to prevent accidental harm to others from our blind spots.

A personality trait or strength may be extremely beneficial in one context, but an extreme detriment in another. Often in our romantic relationships, our partner knows exactly what that detriment is, because he or she sees us at our best and at our worst. Same goes for any close relationships we may have (family, friends, work relationships, etc.).

Although, there is a difference for work relationships... They they usually get our highest performing selves while our family sees us at the end of the work day when we are physically and emotionally depleted. As you can imagine, this can create some problems if we are not aware of or sensitive to this dynamic! Our weaknesses and negative aspects of our personality can be more likely to come out after a long day. 

Many times when we are dating, we are attracted to a certain strong quality (or qualities) about someone, and it may even be a quality that is the exact polar opposite of our own! Initially, this can lead to fireworks, romance, and passion, but as the relationship matures and grows, these differences must be worked through in a way that feels good to both parties. Furthermore, as time goes on these differences may even now be the source of significant frustration and hurt. What once was a quality that was so attractive is now the quality that bothers you the most (or maybe drives you crazy)! Every couple has to find a way to navigate these difference in order to be happy and satisfied over the long run.

I think that if you are in a marriage and you want to grow in your personal self-awareness, as well as in the strength of your relationship overall, it’s helpful to have an understanding and acceptance of who you each are. Actually, I believe it’s vital to the success of your marriage or relationship.

Why? One, so you both can avoid getting to the place where your differences tear you apart until you break up or divorce. Two, to help you approach one another with understanding and good listening skills, and to not try to expect something that the other person just cannot give or do well. Three, to create meaningful dialogue that supports win-win scenarios that involves capitalizing on each other’s strengths to solve problems successfully.

Especially in regards to extreme strengths or strong aspects of our personality (for example, introvert versus an extrovert), these are things that themselves cannot be changed much (if at all). What can be discussed, explored, and changed is HOW you discuss them, and how you work with each other’s natural tendencies to find better solutions.

You need to find ways to roll with each others differences instead of rolling OVER each other with your one way of doing things.

Ready to grow and discuss what you have learned? Feel brave enough to shine a light on a potential blind spot? Don’t be scared! Lega-Leaders let’s do this!

Step 1:
Name one of your biggest strengths or strongest beneficial personality attributes.

Step 2:
List out why you believe this strength or helpful personality attribute really stands out. What is the evidence, and what are the facts supporting this belief?

Step 3:
How has this significantly benefited YOU in your life in general? If you are doing this exercise to understand yourself better as a leader, you should also list out how your example has helped you personally in leading at work, in a group you are in charge of, or as a parent (parents are leaders!). If you are doing this in the context of a romantic relationship, you would want to list out how this has benefited you in your relationship.

Step 4:
How has_________________(your answer from step 1) significantly benefited others in your life?

Step 5:
Are there any extreme tendencies or personality attributes that you demonstrate that go along with your strength? (For example, you have a strength that you are a very hard worker and always make sure to get the job done, no matter what. Even if the job takes 12 hours, you will get it done in one day which has led to career growth and financial stability.)

Step 6:
What do you see as the dark side (or potential drawbacks) to your strength or personality attribute?

If you are having a hard time with this, you might think of your strength in terms of it’s opposite… Maybe you are extremely creative, innovative, and dislike structure, and this has greatly benefited your career and relationships. However, you find that you let people down when you need to follow a certain path or procrastinate when you need to follow the rules (following rules and structure is the opposite of your strength). 

Step 7:
What feedback or constructive criticism have you received about the downside of your strength or personality attribute? Have you ever received any?

Sometimes when you are in a position of power people may be hesitant to give you honest feedback, unless honest and respectful feedback has been developed as part of that system (work, school, home, etc.) from the beginning. Something to note and be aware of…

Step 8:
How has___________________(your answer from step 1) negatively impacted those around you in the past? Can you think of any specific examples? Any present problems currently?

Step 9:
How might___________________ (your answer from step 1) potentially negatively impact future circumstances or relationships?

Step 10:
Given your answers above, in a few sentences, summarize a blind spot that you have that springs from a huge strength of yours or a strong personality attribute:

Step 11:
Now that you have awareness of the dark side of your strength or personality attribute, how can you use this to develop better win-win scenarios with others in your life moving forward? List out all the ideas you can think of!

Being honest and acknowledging your tendencies is a good place to start!

Step 12:
Given your greater awareness of the downsides of your strengths or personality attributes, how can this help you to grow your empathy and understanding for people who are different than you (who have different personalities and strengths)?

It can often be easier to be more understanding of our own weaknesses than other people’s, which is why I am picking your brain for ideas on how you can be more empathetic.  

Step 13:
How can you use your increased self-awareness on the dark side of your strongest strengths or personality attributes to now find ways to mitigate (or lessen) the harmful effects of that dark side? How can you lessen the blow so to speak...?

Step 14:
Do you have someone you could share these answers with? Who? Would he or she be willing to give you some constructive and respectful feedback on the topic?

In Summary
I hope this exercise was enlightening for you! I also hope that you pair this exercise with a huge dose of love, and overflowing understanding for yourself and others. This exercise can be a practice in fully embracing yourself and all the complexities that make you who you are. You are not good or bad, you are whole as you are!

There is no shame in being you. This often includes having a strength in one area that makes us not as good in something else. That’s okay. That’s life, and we are all in the same boat! And life in that boat would be BORING if we were all the same. We are often drawn to others exactly because they are different than us, and other people are attracted to us because we are different than them.

​People love you exactly for who you are—so be you! Just like you love people for who they are (even with their warts). 

This world needs more Lega-Leaders like you who are daily finding ways to celebrate each other’s strengths, and who are driven to find ways to collaborate even though we are different and not perfect.

Lega-Leaders, what do you have to say about this topic?
Thanks for joining me today. As a lega-leader, what blind spots have you discovered? Are you in a long-term romantic relationship, family relationship, or friendship where you both have completely opposite strengths or personalities (introvert vs. extrovert, loud vs. quiet, organized and logical vs. messy and creative, etc.)? Any opposite attributes that drive you a little crazy? What do you believe are good ways to develop win-win scenarios that elevate everyone’s positive attributes and strengths (instead of being driven bonkers by them)? I would love to hear your ideas! Please share, because your ideas and solutions may help someone else!
​
All the best,
​Holly
​
​PS- Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added. 

​References and Links
(1)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/5-easy-ways-to-start-being-a-relationship-legacy-leader-right-now
(2)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/what-is-a-relationship-legacy-leader
(3)https://moxiepsychologylegacy.com/blog/the-deeper-meaning-behind-the-name-moxiepsychology-legacy

Hi there. Sadly, two more mass shootings occurred in the US over this past weekend (1). So today I put together a couple resource links and statements published by professional psychological associations to help you stay informed. I believe that it is important that we look to what the research leaders and psychological experts in the field of psychology have to say about the topic of mass shootings if we want to make real changes in our society.

Statements from the American Psychological Association and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy on the most recent shootings in Dayton and El Paso:
Statement of APA CEO on Gun Violence and Mental Health (2)

AAMFT President Statement on El Paso and Dayton Shootings (3)

Statement from the American Counseling Association on the Tree of Life Shooting last year:
ACA Statement Regarding the Mass Shooting at Tree of Life Synagogue (4)

An article by the APA interviewing Arie W. Kruglanski, PhD, a social psychologist who is familiar with terrorism, radicalization, and deradicalization:
​5 questions for Arie W. Kruglanski: The social psychologist explains the psychology of violent extremism and how governments can counteract it (5)

YouTube interview with Arie W. Kruglanski, PhD, by the APA (6):

I hope these links are helpful and informative for you. We can make a difference.  

All the best,
​Holly L. Harrison ​

PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.

References and Links
(1)​https://www.cnn.com/us/live-news/el-paso-dayton-shootings-august-2019/index.html
(2)​https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/08/gun-violence-mental-health
(3)https://blog.aamft.org/2019/08/aamft-president-statement-on-el-paso-and-dayton-shootings-.html
(4)https://www.counseling.org/news/updates/2018/10/31/aca-statement-regarding-the-mass-shooting-at-tree-of-life-synagogue
​(5)​https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/04/conversation-kruglanski
(6)​youtu.be/W1nWXXC8WGU

Hello and welcome!

I created this video to get you thinking about where mental health starts. Once you've developed your own idea and understanding of where mental health begins, I would bet that it would influence the habits you decide to create in your own life.

In the video I explore the importance of developing 3 to 5 habits that help you the most in maintaining good mental health. This is important for two reasons. One, so that on a daily basis you are engaging in regular self-care (mental health maintenance). Two, so that during inevitable times of stress you will be resilient and bounce back more quickly. 

Thanks for watching!

All the best,
​Holly
​
​PS Can I send you an email about once a week? The email will have a link to my latest blog post in case there is a topic you are interested in. As the business grows and I add more products and services, I will mention in the email what has been added.